perfectly imperfect

            Good. Better. Best.

            Bad. Worse. Worst.

            Hmm. I believe that we are born sinners. As what I can recall from our dear Bible, the human race have started when good old Eve was convinced by the snake to take a bite from the fruit (apple?) or whatever fruit you may call it… then we humans started to multiply.

            Yup, we all sin. Nobody has not ever done something bad in his entire life. Even the Pope had committed sins, I bet. I believe that nobody has ever been so holy in his entire life.

            I’ve always been a bad girl ever since. When I was a kid, I recall having the doctors sew my sister’s head for the reason that I pushed her off our bed because we fought over a box of colored pencils. Once, I also made her have a haircut (even if she didn’t want to) because I stucked up a toy mixer onto her hair and my mom couldn’t really remove it.

            When I was in elementary, I slapped my seatmate for no reason at all. I mean, I don’t really know why I did that. All I can recall was during that moment; I just wanted to slap somebody. So I did. My seatmate (Gerald was the name) cried but I didn’t care. And this one time, I can also recall, I intentionally put my foot on the way of my classmate. So he ended up stumbling in front of me. He, (Erickson, this time) also cried but I pretended that nothing happened.

           

            At those two times, I ended up being scolded by our old teacher. It felt so bad to be nagged in front of the class but I didn’t care. But you know what? The only good thing about those incidents was that the news of my being a real bad girl in school weren’t able to reach my parents’ knowing.

 

            Okay. I am not a bully or something. I just felt like doing those things at those moments. I didn’t mean to hurt anyone or make someone cry. Believe me. Whenever I see a classmate crying because of me, I feel this sting within and I partly regret what I did. But it was always too late to take my actions back. I didn’t want to be mean. I just wanted to have fun. But I always ended up being mean anyway.

 

            Anyhow, those are childish stuff. I am 19 now and I can say that I already have this deeper sense of maturity in me. I mean, I already dropped doing those dire things to my classmates and all because I’m not supposed to keep doing silly acts at this age.

 

            But you know, as we grow older, we always have this tendency to develop the deeper, meaner, and darker sides of our personalities. And heck, yeah, I am normal!  So I also do have this other Camille inside of me that I bet, no one would ever like to see or meet.

 

            I sin a lot. I hate a lot.  I curse a lot.

 

            I don’t like people wanting to block my way or meddle with my life and all. I abhor hypocrites and those people who have this “SIM card” personalities. I mean those people who always wanted to fit in and “insert” themselves so they could be in-the-know of just about anything and everything that happens around them– even if they have absolutely nothing to do with those things. Talk about stupid people. *swish

 

            I am not so holy—NOT really holy, or religious or whatever you may call it.

 

            I don’t go to church. I don’t hear mass. I’ve hated priests since I was a child. I despise them because they always acted as if they were the holiest bunch of bastards in this world. Well, I don’t know. I don’t know much about them. I am not an atheist or something. I’m just not so convinced by the Catholic Church. But yeah, I know God and I’m a believer of Him… just not the church part of being a Catholic.

 

            I figured. Since God is omnipresent, He could hear me talking to Him at anytime of the day—wherever I may be. I don’t see it necessary to go to church, walking on my knees to ask for repentance and salvation and promising not to sin again. Heck! For me, the church is so full of wooden statues that had those spooky marble eyes and seemed to be watching over my movements all the time. They scare the hell out of me. Really.  I don’t even know if all those saints would look the same if I ever I see them in person. So that’s why I don’t go to church to hear mass. I’m good with praying all by myself.

 

            I wish a lot… for other people to disappear from the face of this Earth because they don’t do me any good. I wish for them to suffer, to succumb miserably to fatal diseases, to meet terrible accidents…

 

            I wish that they could all die for being mean to me and for giving me nothing but pain. For leaving me during the times that I most needed them. For stabbing me millions of times on my back. For taking away things that are supposed to be mine. For making me cry. For making me suffer the pain that almost crushed my insides and left me broken each day. For making my life miserable while I was with them. For bringing the hell—the worst out of me.

 

            Pain. All those agonizing experiences almost killed me. It made want to die. To give up… to make the pounding of my heart just stop. They made me want to disappear. But see? I am STRONGER now and a lot better than what I was when they were still with me. And hell I figured, why should I make my life more miserable when I can instead make theirs? So everyday, I wish that all those people who’ve damaged me would live a wretched life. I don’t care about them. I want them to die!

 

            I know it’s all too bad to wish for someone to disappear or die. But sometimes, at certain moments, I wish to gather up all the guts in my system to make someone die… using my own hands. But I was always too yellow about it.

 

            I’ve counted. Honestly, for three times already, I’ve plotted to kill three people—an uncle, another family member, and a former lover. I mean, I’ve thought about how I would bring them to the gates of Lucy and all and how I would dispose their lifeless bodies so that I could come out clean of my crime.

 

            I thought of maybe pretending that I would hug them and when my arms were already wrapped around them, I would bring out my knife and just stab them to death. I think that would be sweet because of the ‘embrace’ part. Or maybe putting poison onto their food or pushing a pillow on their faces while they were asleep so they would pass out of air and wake up no-more. After that, maybe I would chop their bodies and throw the parts to different places or I would just burn their houses down so no one would know that they were murdered.

 

            Yeah, those thoughts were really evil. Really. And though those three people who happened to top my ‘hate list’ are still alive, it also makes me glad that I’ve always controlled myself at those times that I SO wanted to kill them. For Chrissake! I don’t want to wash my hands with their blood because their blood stinks.

 

            Okay, enough of my evil side. This composition is getting too long and I might bore the hell out of you. Anyway, I’m just being honest here. You can judge me if you like, I don’t care. You also have your own dark side and I can also judge you as I read yours and you couldn’t do anything about it. *peace!

 

“He who has not sinned cast the first stone!”

– from somewhere in the Bible :p

the decade-old portrait

Turning every page and writing each article never had this much impact to me a few months ago. I did every writing assignment as a routine; I never cared if I weren’t able to beat the deadlines. I only write if I feel like I am in the mood to do so. I turned every page of each day, treating it as if I was completing tasks to meet up the requirements to earn myself a gate pass to leave the academe… to escape assignments, attendance-is-a-must[s], and deadlines—to leave writing behind me and find myself something better to do.

Four fast years have passed and it’s nearly over for my original batch mates—JO8A. No, not for me… I’ll be spending another year in this institution before I can finally say my goodbye to studying by the books.

And I can say that the future is uncertain. We can plan all we want but something will always change. I don’t know how to read the future but the forecasts I’d be writing on the succeeding paragraphs will depict how I see each of my batch mates as they take on different paths after graduating from college.

Jose Andronico Wangag will continue his stint as an Entertainment writer in the Manila Standard Today. After some years, his editor, Mr. Isah Red will retire from being the Entertainment editor of the daily. Our very own DAD will of course become the successor of the position. Nicko will be a happy Entertainment journalist and he will also become a happy Dad (for real) to his kids as well. Whoever the fortunate lady dad will be settling down with is still a question… but Dad will find his match anyway. Nicko also loves to teach so he will put up an English school for Koreans after some more years and will make lots of dough out of the business.

Emylyn Castalla will pursue her career as a Lifestyle reporter, also at the Manila Standard Today. After five years, she will find herself as a volunteer of a non-government organization for women empowerment. Ate Em will write for women’s magazines and later on will cross the threshold of politics. She will become a famous political figure because of her advocacy. Despite ate Em’s very busy schedule, she’d still manage to meet her Mr. Right (ehem) namely Elmer Espiritu and have a wonderful family in the future.

Gilbert Monge will start off as a beat reporter in the Philippine Daily Inquirer right after college and will get promoted until he becomes one of the columnists of the daily. Gilbert, while practicing Journalism will also get his Master’s Degree and later on will become a professor at the University of the East. Within our Bert lies the future Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences. And during his leadership, CAS will rise and become the flagship college of the University as it will produce well-known and top-notch graduates in the different fields as far as the Arts and Sciences are concerned. AB Journalism will become one of the top-priority degrees of the University because the administration will realize how successful and famous its alumni will become in the future. And the batch which will make most of the achievements that will surely make Lualhati proud will mostly be from AB Journalism-Batch ’09, nonetheless.

Henry Revita, Jr., Jan Claude Bonares, and Marinel Joy Lacson will all be venturing into the Call-Center world after graduation. These three will all become big bosses in their respective companies and later on, they will establish their own BPO Company which will be known world wide. Claude, our boy-tulis will also become a publisher of the will-be leading Men’s Magazine in the country while Pike becomes its editor-in-chief and turns out to be a devoted advocate of Safe Sex towards an AIDS-free world. Emjhey, our shining star, will try her luck as a recording artist and she will get her worldwide dose of fame and fortune. Oops, I almost forgot. Claude and Emjhey will get married and have stunning kids who are about to become actors and actresses when they grow up.

Ma. Joevie Guerrerro will practice her profession by writing books. She will first start off as a romance pocket book writer—it will be her stepping stone. And then, she will be internationally recognized because of the series of love-story novels that she will write. These novels will sell like pancakes upon release which will make our Joevie super-rich. However, the love stories that she’ll write won’t seem to unfold in her own love life. Joevie will find difficulty in finding her knight-in-shining-armor but after some years, soon as she retires from being a novelist, she will be head-over-heels with a man she meets on a party and they will live happily-ever-after.

Lydia Luisa H. Del Pilar will of course migrate to the States and get married with his long-time fiancé, Lam. She will be a happy and pretty bride and later on, a contented mom. However, being a mom won’t hider Luidia from practicing her field. She will write for a renowned Mom’s Magazine in the States and become one of its editors. Together with Lam, Luidia will also put up a Café which will have 89 branches worldwide.

Miguel Antonio Manuel Velasco (did I get the name[s] right?) will continue playing as a drummer in his band Dylan even after he graduates a year from now. Dylan will turn out to be a strong and famous band in the future and our Migs will also try his stint as writer in a leading Music Magazine. He will earn lots of dough out of playing in his band and writing which he will set aside to institute a business. Marge and Migs will be on an on/off cycle. However, they will realize their love for each other and finally settle down after years of on-the-rocks relationship. After their wedding, Migs and Marge will never have fights anymore… ever.

Christine Perez will become the Philippine editor of an internationally-published Christian Magazine. Our Kit will be a Christ-bearer, as her name implies, and will be able to inspire millions of lives with her stories. She will write inspirational books, better than Mitch Albom’s and will meet the man of her life which is one of the millions she’s inspired because of her writing.

Julian Miguel Javier will still stay in school for some more years. While being a student, he will persist in joining Cosplay competitions and will be a famous figure in that field. After graduating from college, JM becomes a worldwide Cosplay champion and will gain him a fan base in the country and abroad. This fan base will be like a cult of his fellow Cosplay-ers who’ll worship him like a super star. JM will also become the founder of the Philippine Cosplay Club. His future love life, I couldn’t see right now but I’m pretty sure that he’ll find the man/woman of his dreams.

Girlie Daliva will take on the world armed with her love for sports. She will first become a sports-writer in the Manila Standard Today, then the editor, but she’ll realize that she can do better than that. So our Girlie resigns from the position and writes for a sports magazine. Because of her hosting skills and the name she has already etched in the industry at that time, she’ll get to be invited by a leading television station to host a sports program. Girl will gladly accept the offer. Later on, she gets to be the bride of his college basketball player crush—(ehem) Tagarada.

Heidy Landrito will benefit from her good PR and communication skills. Her outgoing and enthusiastic character will land her into her very own Public Relations Firm, with big time clients ranging from supermarket products, to clothing lines, to highly-acclaimed celebrities, to big-time political figures. However, because of her being really, really busy with her PR firm, our Heidz won’t have time to focus on her family life. Her first marriage will be a failure (the guy’s fault) but eventually, cupid will find Heidz another partner who will give Heidz her first baby. Heidz will then become contented with her life and her family.

Grace Palpal-latoc will finally graduate as a Summer[ian]. Right after her graduation, she will apply as an administrative staff in the University and will replace the position of that woman who gave her the wrong evaluation which was the reason of her not being able to graduate on April 2009. Grace will marry a businessman and have an exuberant life ahead of her.

Precious Francisco will settle down and take care of her baby Francine right after graduation. After two years, she will become a Lifestyle Reporter in one of the country’s leading daily broadsheets. Ian and Cious will put up their own printing house and will earn a fortune out of it.

Neil Darius Javier will become a fashion designer. Months after graduation, Neil wins the lottery jackpot. His 569 million cash prize gives him the opportunity to finally pursue his dream sex-change operation in the United States. However, he suffers from a decision crisis for he thinks that he’s not ready for the consequences that the operation could cause him. So after another three months of intense soul-searching and decision-making, Neil finally makes up his mind and decides that he won’t push through with the operation anymore. Neil Darius learns to love what he already has. In short, Lien Mikee decides to return to his natural biological form but he still continues his passion which is to design clothes and fashion accessories which will make him the highest-paid designer in the world. Neil also becomes a committed advocate against Gay discrimination and equality for all sexes.

Jessica Sandra dela Rosa will become the Human Resources manager of the Manila Standard Today. Our Jeka will also venture on the fashion business. She will put up a boutique which sells fashion items from famous designers. This boutique will have branches world wide. Of course, Neil Javier will be one of the designers showcased by the boutique. Jeka and Athan will also get married and have three kids—all boys (just imagine).

Cathlene Fitz Teretit will continue her love for the arts. She will work as a comic artist and later on gets hired by Pixar as one of its animators. After some years, Fitz returns to her motherland with her talent. She produces the first ever high-quality and well-crafted film animation in Philippine history. This film will get good reviews and will be shown world wide. From then on, Fitz will produce more top-caliber animated movies which will become the toughest competitor of Walt Disney and Pixar when it comes to ticket sales.
This is how I see my classmates ten years from now. It may seem too ambitious and unrealistic but this is where my imagination took me when I looked our future. After ten years, I’d still be looking at old photographs. Our looks would probably have changed by that point in time but I know, the smiles—our smiles whenever the class is together will remain the same.

Regina Camille Makayan will become a school teacher. After her graduation in 2010, she will try her stint as a freelance Lifestyle writer in different magazines and broadsheets and write for online journals. While practicing Journalism, Cams will pursue a Master’s Degree and get some units in Education. When Cams finishes her Master’s, she’ll teach in a school in her hometown, Angono, Rizal which will be put up by his future husband. Ten years from now, the carefree and irresponsible Cams will be gone. She’ll finally be responsible in every aspect of her life because at that point in time, her actions will not only be entirely for her anymore. She’ll learn to do things considering the people around her. Cams will have two kids and have a happy and fulfilling family life.

The future is uncertain. We can plan all we want but are always bound to change. But anyway, just like driving cars, we are the only ones who hold the steering wheels and decide which path[s] we will take. Well, I only wish success to everything we’ll be doing after graduation. And I have to say that four years is just enough time to finish a degree but it is way too short for the friendships that were developed through time.

I’ll miss Journ. I’ll miss everyone. Thanks for the laughs, the lessons, the friendships. I’ll see you around.